Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Cancerous
I am not very happy. A good friend of mine has what appears to be , no final word yet, several tumors all over his body. I am pissed frankly, on several fronts really. One, his wife and mine are really good friends and my wife has spent the last three days caring for her and their three children. Two, I help my friend out at the church, our church, where he is the youth pastor, so I volunteer my time and for three weeks I have been running the middle school ministry on Wednesdays. Three, I feel like I have to figure so much out that I was not planning on just three days ago. Four, I am pissed that I am so damn selfish sometimes. You see, I have know several people with cancer, from an uncle that I actually never met, to a grandmother that I dearly loved, to family friends that have just died two years ago, if that. And I still can't wrap my head around the disease, and the effect it has on people. I mean there are guys like Lance Armstrong defeating it, and yet there are millions more that don't. It seems so indiscriminate, I mean my friend is 37, young and healthy, strong and smart. Yet God obviously has something better in mind, yet I can't figure it out. Which leads me to what I am most angry about. Life is not a play about me with you all as supporting actors. Why am I so frustrated by this disease. Because it doesn't fit into my plans. I don't want the hassle of helping a friend out in a dark, dark hour. I have better things to do, but I know that this is just a small episode in time. Not my time really. Not my Play. Not my story. I just ask that prayers be said for Eric, and me regardless of what I have in mind, it is really not up to me to decide. Thanks for listening...............
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4 comments:
I know you and Eric are closer than he and I. I want him to know that I am here for him or his family, but I also know they are a little overwhelmed with the sheer number of family and friends that are concerned about him. If I can help him, or you, just let me know. I share your frustration with the chaos of it all. From the mouth of babes, Meadow's prayer tonight--"just make Alex's daddy better so they can play again."
Hey Zeke,
You're waaay too late for the comp on my site sorry! We're going to run a new one very soon
I hope that your friend is ok and that he (i'm guessing) and his family weather this storm well
Jeremy
climbingholdreview.com
I hear you on the selfishness front Pete and I applaud your honest reaction. I believe I would be thinking many of your same thoughts but not have the guts to put it into print.
"God obviously has something better in mind" I don't know what to do with that. I don't want to believe in a God that gives cancer to young, happily married fathers--or anyone for that matter. So, either this is just another piece of random brokenness that has tragically struck your friend or God is one sadistic you know what. But maybe that's not what you meant.
Regardless, I will say a prayer for Eric and his family.
It's true that times like these cause more doubt than any others. What's the point of living a life following God when your just going to end up with cancer. But that's the problem, we place blame on God, like it's a punishment, when really if you turn it around. If I was apposing God, Eric's probably one of the first people I would have targeted...now do I know the levels of spiritual warfare that are present in this place we call earth. No, and I absolutely still think this whole thing is bullshit, but regardless it is out of my hands, now it's just a question of faith building, or faith destroying...probably levels of both depending on the day.
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